Letting Go
by Googie
Summary: Starts with the upcoming kiss from 3X13, and has some snippets about how their relationship might progress-or not-during the rest of the season .  Just my guess.  Hope you like it!


_**This is yet another ficlet about the kiss in 3X13, but it's a little different take; I'm starting with the kiss, and going through some of the aftermath and how they handle it. In the pre-episode discussions for that episode at the castletv site, I posted how I thought they'd handle it (below), and after I posted, I thought it would make a good little ficlet. **_

_**For those of you following my other story, 'The Plan', rest assured that I am still working on it (If you haven't checked out that story yet, I hope you do!). But this popped into my head and it stayed there, so I just had to write it down. **_

_**Hope you like it!**_

_**Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters.**_

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The kiss was was demanding, but in a tentative sort of way if that was possible. The demanding part came from the height of the emotions running through both of them, not just the case-the very personal case-but from the fact that they had known each other so long but had never crossed certain lines before, this being one of them. But it was still tentative, or started out that way, because of the fact that even though they had known each other for so long, and had shared many very personal moments, this level of closeness-with each other-was very new to them.

It did start out tentative, them standing there in the dark alley after he'd pressed his lips to hers. She didn't even know what to do with her arms at first. Of course, she thought later, she could have pushed him away; she had seen it coming, after all. But she didn't want to push away. So after his lips had claimed hers, her arms did the only thing that they could do: they returned his embrace. The kiss seemed like it went on and on. Their bodies were pressed together, and they plundered each others mouths deliciously. His hand was tender, caressing her face, but urging her into the kiss, urging her to keep going. Her one hand tangled in his hair and let them both know that she wasn't going anywhere.

He gave her comfort with the kiss, he gave her passion, and he gave her something else that she couldn't put her finger on. It was tangible, and she could feel it, but she couldn't name it. Or maybe she didn't want to name it.

But they couldn't keep this going forever. The emotions were too great, and they needed a step back. They needed to breathe, and they needed to calm their erratically beating hearts. Slowly, in mutual agreement, their lips separated and they opened their eyes and looked at each other. Then he buried his face in her neck and she buried hers in his neck, and they stood there as he drew her into a tighter embrace and just held her, rubbing her back in comfort. At the feeling of his arms moving on her back, she wrapped her arms more tightly around him, and let out a little sob. But still, she didn't break down. She drew strength from him, from his embrace, from his concern, and she didn't break down.

Eventually, they pulled apart and he could see the emotion warring in her eyes. She looked like she wanted to say something, but he just put a finger to her lips. "No, not now," he told her. "Don't say anything. We don't have to talk about it now, or even tomorrow, or even next week. We will have to talk about it, but whenever you want." He gave her another little whisper of a kiss. "I know you can't handle any more right now. Just know that I'll be here, for whatever you need, whenever you need it. I'm here for you, Kate. Remember that."

She nodded, then stepped back from him. She was glad that he was giving her an out from speaking, because she didn't think she could speak a coherent thought right then. She just had too many things floating around in her mind. They both turned and walked back to the car, and had a silent ride back to the precinct to finish the paperwork. So much was different now, but still nothing had changed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He showed up the next morning, coffee in hand, as usual. She looked up at him gratefully. "Thanks," she told him.

He looked at her for a pregnant moment, before smiling and saying that he would be remiss in his duty if he didn't keep her caffeinated. The banter was the same, but neither missed the extra look between them.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

They never mentioned the kiss. Correction: _she_ never mentioned the kiss. By his words at the time, she knew he wouldn't, even though it was uncharacteristic of him. But still she knew he wouldn't mention it. How do you bring up something like that? She was chicken. And she didn't have a clue what to say. She didn't know where they stood. They were friends, sure, and partners. _They'd kissed._ But he probably kissed people all the time, so it was no big deal to him. And he was acting pretty normal around her, although he did seem to take even more liberties with invading her personal space, if that was possible.

And of course, there were the looks. Rick and Kate didn't know about them, but everyone else saw them. At random times, they would see either the Detective or the Writer looking at the other, with a strange look of sadness in their eyes. If the other one made eye contact, the sad look was quickly replaced with something else...annoyance, a smile, a frown. But the looks were there, and the others could see the longing in them.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It was now three weeks afterwards, and things were pretty much back to normal. Well, he was still invading her space, but she found she didn't mind it as much. And sometimes he seemed like he found little excuses to touch her...putting his hand on her back as he followed her into the elevator, handing her papers and touching her hand. And even though she didn't realize it, she was becoming a little more touchy-feely with him too, unconsciously putting her hand on his shoulder as she looked at evidence or the computer screen, or just standing closer to him when they were briefed on a COD by Lanie.

Lanie, of course, noticed and attempted to ask Kate about it, but Kate brushed it off, saying that Lanie was imagining things and besides, Kate was still dating Josh. Lanie looked at her disapprovingly then, and told Kate that it was time to cut the doctor loose and face the facts. Kate just told her that she didn't know what she was talking about and made a hasty exit, but she still remembered the look of disapproval with a hint of sadness on her friend's face.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

They were in an alley, looking to see if they could find anything regarding the murder of a college student that they were working on. They were bantering about the state of garbage collection in the city, the case, and the play that Martha was working on. And Rick happened to look up and caught the glint of the sun off of metal, and his instincts took over as he tackled Kate behind a dumpster just as a shot rang out. She landed with an 'oof', but quickly had her gun out. After she popped out from behind the dumpster and looked around, she could see the person running away on the low rooftop across from them. She knew it was too late to give chase. She could see the old water cooler bottle that had been behind where she was standing, and it was now rolling away courtesy of the impact of the bullet that would have slammed into her if Castle hadn't pushed her out of the way.

Seeing the narrow escape she made thanks to him, she turned her head to look at him. His face was etched with worry and concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking one finger and tracing it lightly down her cheek.

His eyes felt like they were boring into her soul. "Yeah," she said softly. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks for saving my life."

They smiled at each other like idiots, and then got up and dusted themselves off. He kept his hand lightly on her back all the way to the car.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Two days later, late in the afternoon, Josh showed up at the precinct just as Rick was coming back from refilling their coffee mugs. She was obviously surprised to see him, but she still went to greet him with a hug and a kiss. As he saw this, Rick hung back with the two cups of coffee. Lanie had just delivered a report, an excuse to get out of the morgue for a bit, so she saw the exchange, as did Ryan and Esposito, who were standing with her when Josh arrived. Lanie saw the miserable look on Rick's face, and Esposito caught the strained look on Kate's when she saw her boyfriend walk in. Even while she was hugging him, Espo thought, she looked like she'd rather be anywhere else.

They all watched as Josh explained that he'd just scored tickets to a new little show, compliments of another doctor that he had covered for, and before that he was going to take her out to dinner. He named the restaurant, and while not ridiculously expensive or anything, it was known for romantic dinners for two. Put on the spot and getting nowhere in the case, Kate felt she had no choice but to accept. She tried to look only at Josh or the floor, because she didn't want to see the faces of her friends. But they could see the miserable expression on hers that she was trying to hide. And most of all, she didn't want to look at Rick. But that didn't stop her from seeking out his gaze, and she saw the same miserable way that she felt reflected in his own eyes.

She knew her friends well enough to know that the smiles on their faces weren't genuine. But she somehow put a smile on her own face and a happy note in her voice as she told them she was knocking off a little early. She quickly looked away from Castle and grabbed her purse and coat and left, Josh's arm around her possessively, with a murmured goodbye to the room as a whole.

Rick was still standing there with a miserable look on his face that he didn't even try to bother to hide, his hands in his pockets. Esposito walked past him, and clapped a hand on his shoulder as he passed, saying softly, "Hang in there, bro."

"Yeah," Rick said simply.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The next week, he was roused out of sleep at two o'clock in the morning by the ringing of his phone. Expecting to hear Beckett on the line, he was surprised to hear Lanie's voice.

She didn't beat around the bush. "Castle...I need you to come to the hospital. Meet me on the trauma floor. Kate's...she's been in an accident, Rick. You need to get down here."

He flew into his clothes and out the door, barely even remembering to grab his phone. He'd need to call Alexis when she got up so she didn't worry. With the light traffic of the hour, he got to the hospital in record time.

He found Lanie, along with Ryan and Esposito, in the waiting room. "Lanie, what happened? My God, how bad is she?"

When she saw him, she grabbed him and dragged him to the nurses station. "Here he is. Rick Castle. For Detective Beckett."

The nurse told them to go wait again; that she was having more blood drawn and they would come to get him when they were done.

Lanie sat him down and explained it to him. "We were out for drinks. We were walking back to her place, and we were crossing the street. I was a little behind her because I was looking at something, and this SUV..." her breath hitched and her eyes teared up again. But she made herself continue. "This SUV pl...plowed into her." She couldn't continue, and Esposito put an arm around her as she tried to get herself in control again. Rick's face lost some color as he heard Lanie's words.

Espo filled in the blanks. "Luckily, the thing wasn't going too fast...it had only just left the intersection. Somehow she doesn't have any internal injuries except for several broken ribs, so that's a miracle right there. And she had a dislocated shoulder and a broken arm."

"Espositio, what else?" Rick asked, reading his friend and knowing there was more that he hadn't told him yet.

Lanie took over. "She took a good hit to the head when she landed. She's banged up. Bad concussion, and they're watching to make sure there's no more. And she hasn't woken up yet, not fully. The only thing we can get out of her is your name. When she's anything close to conscious, she just keeps calling for you and thrashing around, which isn't good for her."

"No, that can't be right. What about the doctor guy? She wants him."

Lanie continued, "And first, she just kept mumbling stuff like 'where is he?' and 'I need him.' So when we got to the ER, I checked and he was here, so we got him down there. It was not good. He started talking to her and her heart rate spiked. Castle," she told him, laying her hand on his arm, "she didn't want him, she wants _you_."

"No, she doesn't." He ran his fingers through his already messed up hair.

"Bro, I heard her myself after I got here and they got her to her room. She was using your name then. She wants _you_."

Rick's head snapped up and he locked eyes with Esposito. Before he got a chance to say anything, the nurse came up to them. "Mr. Castle? Come with me."

He looked back at Lanie and the guys, but they all just kinked their heads in direction of the nurse, indicating that he should follow her. He followed her down the hall and into a somewhat darkened room. He hesitated before he stepped in, making the nurse turn around to motion him in. He didn't want to see Kate like this, in a hospital, injured. But the nurse was beckoning him, so he forced himself to go in.

His breath caught in his lungs when he saw her. she had scrapes on one side of her face that were not covered by bandages, but by some kind of ointment. She looked like she had a few stitches right along her jawline under her ear, and the one side of her forehead had a nasty-looking lump that was turning colors that looked even more vibrant against the white pallor of the rest of her skin and was probably the source of her concussion. Her left arm was in a cast, and the other wrist had an IV in it. Despite everything, she was obviously sleeping fitfully, and would jerk and mumble every now and then. He got tears in his eyes, just watching her, all banged up like that, in so much pain.

"As you can see, she's not calm, and the drugs aren't helping. This is actually one of her more calm times. It's been worse. We don't want to give her any more with her head trauma, but she needs to lay still, especially with those ribs, or it's just going to delay her recovery. Her friends seem to think that you can calm her down, so please, give it a try. Just talk to her, hold her hand. Let her know you're here. Push the call button if you need me for anything." The nurse slipped out of the room as he continued to stare at Kate.

_This_ was one of her calm times? She didn't look calm to him. Well, he didn't have anything to lose, and he was here, so he pulled up a chair. Grasping her hand lightly, he told her, "Kate, it's Rick. Lanie dragged me out of bed to come down here. So since I'm here, I'm going to just sit and watch you for a while, even though I know you think it's creepy. Maybe later I can sign your cast. You probably just broke your arm so you could get an original autograph from me on a cast. That would fetch a high price if you sold it, you know. I haven't signed too many casts in my career."

He raised up, and before he could talk himself out of it, he kissed her uninjured cheek. He could still smell her scent, the cherries, despite the antisceptic smell of the hospital. Sitting back down, he was startled when all of a sudden, she said "Castle!" as she tried to move around in the bed. He could see that she still wasn't fully conscious, but he suspected she wasn't very far off. He leaned over by her face again and, still grasping her hand and running his other fingers down the side of her face gently, told her "Kate, shhhhh. I'm here. I'm here. But you need to rest."

She turned her face into the touch of his fingers. "Rick..." she mumbled, but a bit more calm.

"I'm here."

"Stay w' me," she said softly.

"I'll stay."

"Don' leave me." She clutched his hand just a bit, letting him know that on some level, she heard him.

"Never."

The nurse came in twenty minutes later to let him know that whatever he'd been doing, it was working; she could tell from the remote monitors at the nurses station. But she never got a chance to tell him, because he was sitting in the chair with his forearms on the bed by her hip, sound asleep with his head laying on his arms, her free hand still clasped with one of his. And she was sleeping the most peaceful sleep she had slept since she'd been admitted.

The nurse left them and made one more stop, down to the waiting area, where she motioned to the three people waiting there to come with her. The nurse said "You call can go home and get some rest now. I think she's good for now." They looked into the room and saw the Detective sleeping peacefully with the Writer keeping guard at her bedside.

As they backed out of the room, Ryan and Esposito smiled and did a 'feed the birds' with each other, and Lanie whispered "Finally."

_**

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I tried to do this in some semblance of what we might see during the rest of the season after the kiss. These were the thoughts that I wrote on the discussion board: "

_**It'll be obvious that she's confused by what happens between them, but she won't really say too much to him. She doesn't want to alienate Castle because she knows she needs him, even though she can't quite understand it yet. He knows she's confused and is reeling from the whole thing with her mother's case, so he doesn't push and just lets her know that he's there for her. They're closer, without a doubt. But the new relationship development becomes the elephant in the room that nobody talks about, but it's there. I think it'll make for some poignant scenes where we hear something about Josh, and Castle is hurt and confused because she hasn't broken it off with him yet. (We know Josh is coming back at some point, right?) I'm envisioning a scene like the ending of the movie 'Against All Odds' where she goes with the bad guy, even though she wants to be with the other guy, and they just stand there staring at each other, and you know they're both miserable."**_

_**I think they'll make some progress this season, but it will take a big event-one or the other of them will get hurt or will be in danger-before we'll see any progress on the relationship front. And the finale will be great, but they won't get totally together yet because they have to leave stuff for next season, right? Just my take on it though.**_

_**By the way, the title refers not to letting go of the hope of them being together, but letting go of the obstacles that are keeping them apart or letting go and opening yourself up to the possibilities. She got hit by a car and she needs him, so she let go of her fears of getting close to him, because she needed him, and even though she wasn't fully conscious, she recognized that on some level.**_

_**So...reviews? Please let me know what you think! Please?**_


End file.
